“Why do you look so tired?“
Have you ever noticed what happens when you get a question like this? If you’re like me, you assume that, in fact, you look tired and that there must be justifiable reasons for this. So, naturally, the cause of you looking tired becomes your mind’s focus—“maybe I didn’t get enough sleep” you say or “perhaps I didn’t get enough water,” etc.
What about when you hear the opposite—“You look great, what’s changed?” Again, you assume that this person is simply stating facts so, instead of arguing with the statement or observation, you inevitably focus on the underlying reason for it—“Well, that diet must really be working for me!”
Your mind is great at finding reasons as to why an assumption is true—especially when you trick it by offering it up in the form of a question. A definitive statement often triggers dogmatic defensiveness whereas a question triggers mind-provoking thought. The funny thing is that it doesn’t even matter if the question makes sense. For example, you can ask about a presumed outcome that hasn’t even been determined yet and even then, your mind will generate reasons as to why it’s true! It was this thought that led me to develop a simple but extremely powerful visioning exercise enabling you to directly influence your future.
The “VisionQuery” Exercise
The exercise itself entails you investing a small amount of time (~20 minutes) when you can do something meditative—a relaxing drive, a routine task or, ideally, meditation itself. Before you meditate, however, do the following:
1) Determine a future point in time or event
2) Identify something that you want to experience or some way you want to feel at that time
3) Form and focus on a question that presumes you’ve already achieved the desired state
- E.g., “Why did I have a great day?” or “Why did I have an effective meeting?”
4) Let your mind relax into your meditative exercise
- Don’t focus on or try to answer the question during meditation, let it go.
By doing this, you’ll find that, at the end of the day, your mind will have generated responses to your inquiry that will prove to you why the assumed statement is true.
The Experiment
I’m a baseball coach for my 7 year old son’s team and we had just lost our season opener. With coaching 7 year olds, winning every game is far from the top of my list of priorities. Having said that, I definitely wanted the team to experience what it felt like to play a great game and, yes, win. I thought this exercise would be perfect for getting the team in the right state of mind. To that end, I decided to try it out.
During warm-ups just before our next game, I asked each and every player a future-shaping question, “Why did you hit so good today?” And “Why did you have such a great game?” I told them not to answer the question but just to think about it and answer me after the game.
By the looks on their faces, I’m sure they all thought I was crazy, especially when I heard, “coach, we haven’t even played the game yet!” Nevertheless, and in spite of the confusion, I asked and asked away.
The Result
We had an amazing season! After the season opener loss, we won the next 12 games in a row and we won 16 of our 20 games in total. Coincidentally or not, of the 4 games we didn’t win, this exercise was not performed.
I don’t know to what degree this exercise helped us win games. We had a very talented group of kids and brilliant assistant coaches who deserve the credit. I will however tell you that I know it made a huge difference in how the kids perceived their performance. On games when we did the exercise, many of the kids came up to me after and explained to me why they had such a great game. Interestingly, each had their own version too. “I practiced a lot coach” or “it’s because I’m really good at baseball” or “because I wanted to get the game ball”, etc. This made me realize that these kids were actually validating their own reality while it was being formed. They were convinced they had played a great game, and could articulate the reasons why, even before the game had ended.
How would it be to finish out every day knowing it was great? How would it be to continually believe that you are living in your ideal state of mind? Well then, I have one question for you, why was it so great?